If you wish to win in life go on reading the best

SUDHA MURTHY
(infosys foundation) on
J R D TATA

(This appeared in the February 2005 issue of The Sales Digest)

(An Angry letter from a young lady made JRD Tata change his rule. Sudha Murthy was livid when a job advertisement posted by a Tata company at the institution where she was completing her post graduation stated, “Lady candidates need not apply”. She dashed off a post card to JRD Tata, protesting against the discrimination. Following this, Mrs. Murthy was called for an interview and she became the first female engineer to work on the shop floor at Telco (now Tata Motors). It was the beginning of an association that would change her life in more ways than one.)

“ THERE are two photographs that hang on my office wall. Everyday when I enter my office I look at them before starting my day. They are pictures of two old people. One is of a gentleman in a blue suit and the other is a black and white image of a man with dreamy eyes and a white beard.

People have often asked me if the people in the photographs are related to me. Some have even asked me, “Is this black and white photo that of a Sufi saint or a religious Guru?” I smile and reply “No, nor are they related to me. These people made an impact on my life. I am grateful to them.” “Who are they?” “The man in the blue suit is Bharat Ratna JRD Tata and the black and white photo is of Jamshetji Tata.”

“But why do you have them in your office?”
“You can call it gratitude.”

Then, invariably, I have to tell the person the following story: -

It was a long time ago. I was young and bright, bold and idealistic. I was in the final year of my master’s course in Computer Science at the Indian Institute of Science (IISc) in Bangalore, then known as the TATA Institute. Life was full of fun and joy. I did not know what helplessness or injustice meant. It was probably the April of 1974. Bangalore was getting warm and Gulmohars were blooming at the IISc campus. I was the only girl in my postgraduate department and was staying at the ladies’ hostel. Other girls were pursuing research in different departments of Science. I was looking forward to going abroad to complete a Doctorate in Computer Science. I had been offered scholarships from Universities in the US.

I had not thought of taking up a job in India. One day, while on the way to my hostel from our lecture-hall complex, I saw an advertisement on the notice board. It was a standard job-requirement notice from the famous automobile company Telco (now Tata Motors). It stated that the company required young, bright engineers, hardworking and with an excellent academic background, etc. At the bottom was a small line: “Lady candidates need not apply.” I read it and was very upset. For the first time in my life I was up against gender discrimination. Though I was not keen on taking up the job, I saw it as a challenge. I had done extremely well in academics, better than most of my male peers. Little did I know then that in real life academic excellence is not enough to be successful?
.
After reading the notice I went fuming to my room. I decided to inform the top most person in Telco’s management about the injustice the company was perpetrating. I got a postcard and started to write, but there was a problem: I did not know who headed Telco. I thought it must be one of the Tatas. I knew JRD Tata was the head of the Tata Group; I had seen his pictures in newspapers (actually, Sumant Moolgaokar was the company’s Chairman then). I took the card, addressed it to JRD and started writing. To this day I remember clearly what I wrote. “The great Tatas have always been pioneers. They are the people who started the basic infrastructure industries in India, such as iron and steel, chemicals, textiles and locomotives. They have cared for higher education in India, since 1900 and they were responsible for the establishment of the Indian Institute of Science. Fortunately, I study there. But I am surprised how a company such as Telco is discriminating on the basis of gender.”

I posted the letter and forgot about it. Less than 10 days later, I received a telegram stating that I had to appear for an interview at Telco’s Pune facility at the company’s expense. I was taken aback by the telegram. My hostel mate told me I should use the opportunity to go to Pune free of cost and buy them the famous Pune saris for cheap! I collected Rs. 30 each from everyone who wanted a Sari. When I look back, I feel like laughing at the reasons for my going, but back then they seemed good enough to make the trip. I immediately fell in love with the city. To this day it remains dear to me. I feel as much at home in Pune as I do in Hubli, my hometown. The place changed my life in so many ways.

As directed, I went to Telco’s Pimpri office for the interview. There were six people on the panel and I realized then that this was serious business. “This is the girl who wrote to JRD,” I heard somebody whisper as soon as I entered the room. By then I knew for sure that I would not get the job. The realization abolished all fear from my mind, so I was rather cool while the interview was being conducted.

Even before the interview started, I reckoned the panel was biased, so I told them, rather politely, “I hope this is only a technical interview.” They were taken aback by my rudeness, and even today I am ashamed about my attitude.

The panel asked me technical questions and I answered all of them. Then an elderly gentleman with an affectionate voice told me, “Do you know why we said lady candidates need not apply? The reason is that we have never employed any ladies on the shop floor. This is not a co-ed college; this is a factory. When it comes to academics, you are a first ranker throughout. We appreciate that, but people like you should work in research laboratories.”

I was a young girl from small-town Hubli. My world had been a limited place. I did not know the ways of large Corporate Houses and their difficulties; so I answered, “But you must start somewhere, otherwise no woman will ever be able to work in your factories.”

Finally, after a long interview, I was told I had been successful. So this was what the future had in store for me. Never had I thought I would take up a job in Pune. I met a shy young man from Karnataka there, we became good friends and we got married.
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It was only after joining Telco that I realized who JRD was: the uncrowned king of Indian industry. Now I was scared, but I did not get to meet him till I was transferred to Bombay. One day I had to show some reports to Mr. Moolgaokar, our Chairman, who we all knew as SM. I was in his office on the first floor of Bombay House (the Tata headquarters) when, suddenly JRD walked in. That was the first time I saw “aapro JRD”. Aapro means “our” in Gujarati. This was the affectionate term by which people at Bombay House called him.

I was feeling very nervous, remembering my postcard episode. SM introduced me nicely, “Jeh (that’s what his close associates called him), this young woman is an engineer and that too a postgraduate. She is the first woman to work on the Telco shop floor.”

JRD looked at me. I was praying he would not ask me any questions about my interview (or the postcard that preceded it). Thankfully, he didn’t. Instead, he remarked. “It is nice that girls are getting into engineering in our country. By the way, what is your name?” “When I joined Telco I was Sudha Kulkarni, Sir,” I replied. “Now I am Sudha Murthy.” He smiled a kindly smile and started a discussion with SM. As for me, I almost ran out of the room. After that I used to see JRD on and off. He was the Tata Group chairman and I was merely an engineer. There was nothing that we had in common. I was in awe of him.

One day I was waiting for Murthy, my husband, to pick me up after office hours. To my surprise I saw JRD standing next to me. I did not know how to react. Yet again I started worrying about that postcard. Looking back, I realize JRD had forgotten about it. It must have been a small incident for him, but not so for me.

“Young lady, why are you here?” He asked. Office time is over.” I said, “Sir, I’m waiting for my husband to come and pick me up.” JRD said, “It is getting dark and there’s no one in the corridor. I’ll wait with you till your husband comes.” I was quite used to waiting for Murthy, but having JRD waiting alongside made me extremely uncomfortable. I was nervous. Out of the corner of my eye I looked at him. He wore a simple white pant and shirt. He was old, yet his face was glowing. There wasn’t any air of superiority about him. I was thinking, “Look at this person. He is a Chairman, a well respected man in our country and he is waiting for the sake of an ordinary employee.”

Then I saw Murthy and I rushed out. JRD called and said, “Young lady, tell your husband never to make his wife wait again.”

In 1982 I had to resign from my job at Telco. I was reluctant to go, but I really did not have a choice. I was coming down the steps of Bombay House after wrapping up my final settlement when I saw JRD coming up. He was absorbed in thought. I wanted to say good-bye to him, so I stopped. He saw me and paused.

Gently, he said, “So what are you doing, Mrs. Kulkarni?” (That was the way he always addressed me.) “Sir, I am leaving Telco.” “Where are you going?” He asked. “Pune, Sir. My husband is starting a company called Infosys and I’m shifting to Pune.”

“Oh! And what will you do when you are successful.” “Sir, I don’t know whether we will be successful.” “Never start with diffidence,” he advised me. “Always start with confidence. When you are successful you must give back to society. Society gives us so much; we must reciprocate. I wish you all the best.” Then JRD continued walking up the stairs. I stood there for what seemed like a millennium. That was the last time I saw him alive.

Many years later I met Ratan Tata in the same Bombay House, occupying the chair JRD once did. I told him of my many sweet memories of working with Telco. Later, he wrote to me, “It was nice hearing about Jeh from you. The sad part is that he’s not alive to see you today.”

I consider JRD a great man because, despite being an extremely busy person, he valued one postcard written by a young girl seeking justice. He must have received thousands of letters everyday. He could have thrown mine away, but he didn’t do that. He respected the intentions of that unknown girl, who had neither influence nor money, and gave her an opportunity in his company. He did not merely give her a job; he changed her life and mindset forever.

Close to 50 per cent of the students in today’s engineering colleges are girls. And there are women on the shop floor in many industry segments. I see these changes and I think of JRD. If at all time stops and asks me what I want from life, I would say I wish JRD were alive today to see how the company we started has grown. He would have enjoyed it wholeheartedly.

My love and respect for the House of Tata remain undiminished by the passage of time. I always looked up to JRD. I saw him as a role model for his simplicity, his generosity, his kindness and the care he took of his employees. Those blue eyes always reminded me of the sky; they had the same vastness and magnificence.”

A MOVING TALE

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.

He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house.
However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.

Instead of a meal, he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, “How much do I owe you?”

“You don’t owe me anything,” she replied. “Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness.”

He said, “Then I thank you from my heart.”

As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.

Year’s later, that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.

Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, he went down the hall of the hospital to her room. Dressed in his doctor’s gown, he went in to see her. He recognized her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day, he gave special attention to the case. After a long struggle, the battle was won.

Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge, and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all.

Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words: “PAID IN FULL WITH ONE GLASS OF MILK” (Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.”

THINK!


“Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers”. (Socrates, 5th Century BC)

“A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.” (Proverbs 31:10-21, MSG)

When friends enter a home they sense its personality and character, the family’s style of living—these elements make a house come alive with a sense of identity, a sense of energy, enthusiasm, and warmth, declaring, this is who we are; this is how we live. (Ralph Lauren)

“The great teachings unanimously emphasize that all the peace, wisdom, and joy in the universe are already within us; we don't have to gain, develop, or attain them. We're like a child standing in a beautiful park with his eyes shut tight. We don't need to imagine trees, flowers, deer, birds, and sky; we merely need to open our eyes and realize what is already here, who we really are -- as soon as we quit pretending we're small or unholy”UNKNOWN:

The Gate Is Broken

St. Peter was checking the gate between Heaven and Hell and found a broken hinge. He walked over to the “Pit” and called to the Devil...The Devil says, “Yeah, whaddya want..?”, St. Peter: “The hinge is broken and it’s your turn to fix it..” . The Devil retorted: “Gee, I am a bit busy and don’t have anyone available for this..” , St. Peter got angry, “Look, we have an agreement, and it’s your turn to fix the gate..!”. The Devil responded, “Sorry Pete, it’s our peak season and there just isn’t anyone available...” St. Peter turned red and exclaimed...”Ok, if that’s the way you want it, we’ll sue..!” A big grin broke out on the Devil’s face, “Oh yeah, and just where are you going to find a lawyer...?!”

QUOTES
OF RELEVANCE: -

"In the absence of the best, the worst becomes the best."
Makanyane Joseph Mmopedi

"Our job is to sell our clients' merchandise . . . not ourselves. Our job is to kill the cleverness that makes us shine instead of the product. Our job is to simplify, to tear away the unrelated, to pluck out the weeds that are smothering the product message."
William Bernbach

"It takes courage to be creative. Just as soon as you have a new idea, you are a minority of one."
E. Paul Torrance

"Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist when you grow up."
Pablo Picasso

"The secret of true genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age, which means never losing your enthusiasm."
Aldous Huxley

"Lack of money is no obstacle. Lack of an idea is an obstacle."
Ken Hakuta

"When all think alike, no one is thinking very much."
Walter Lippmann (1889-1974)

"Sometimes you gotta create what you want to be a part of."
Geri Weitzman

"Quality is remembered long after the price is forgotten."
Gucci family slogan

"Quality isn't something that can be argued into an article or promised into it. It must be put there. If it isn't put there, the finest sales talk in the world won't act as a substitute."
C.G. Campbell

"A good newspaper, I suppose, is a nation talking to itself."
Arthur Miller

"The Internet holds immense potential as a marketing tool. As an interactive medium that reaches around the world, it promises an inter-personalization of advertising. As mass communication becomes mass-interpersonal communication, marketing efforts become more efficient, effective, and extensive."
Jef I. Richards, Legal Potholes on the Information Superhighway, 1997.

"If commerce is the engine of our economy, then advertising is the spark.
Responsible advertisers are the drivers who keep us on the
right track, leading to a richer, more benevolent society."
Brian Philcox, 1991.

"The first thing one must do to succeed in advertising is to have the attention of the reader. That means to be interesting. The next thing is to stick to the truth, and that means rectifying whatever's wrong in the merchant's business. If the truth isn't tell-able, fix it so it is. That is about all there is to it."
John E. Powers, 19th Century copywriter.

Watch your manner of speech if you wish to develop a peaceful state of mind. Start each day by affirming peaceful, contented and happy attitudes and your days will tend to be pleasant and successful. --Norman Vincent Peale

To go fast, row slowly. --Norman Vincent Peale

One way to become enthusiastic is to look for the plus sign. To make progress in any difficult situation, you have to start with what's right about it and build on that. --Norman Vincent Peale

The cyclone derives its powers from a calm center. So does a person. --Norman Vincent Peale

Understanding can overcome any situation, however mysterious or insurmountable it may appear to be. --Norman Vincent Peale

People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things. When they believe in themselves they have the first secret of success. --Norman Vincent Peale

Life's blows cannot break a person whose spirit is warmed at the fire of enthusiasm. --Norman Vincent Peale

Believe it is possible to solve your problem. Tremendous things happen to the believer. So believe the answer will come. It will. --Norman Vincent Peale Positive Thinking Every Day by Norman Vincent Peale

Anybody can do just about anything with [themselves] that [he/she] really wants to and makes up [their] mind to do. We are all capable of greater things than we realize. --Norman Vincent Peale

Never talk defeat. Use words like hope, belief, faith, victory. --Norman Vincent Peale Positive Thinking Every Day

Practice hope. As hopefulness becomes a habit, you can achieve a permanently happy spirit. --Norman Vincent Peale Positive Thinking Every Day

Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure. The way you thing about a fact may defeat you before you ever do anything about it. You are overcome by the fact because you think you are. --Norman Vincent Peale

Understanding can overcome any situation, however mysterious or insurmountable it may appear to be. --Norman Vincent Peale

Too much caution is bad for you. By avoiding things you fear, you may let yourself in for unhappy consequences. It is usually wiser to stand up to a scary-seeming experience and walk right into it, risking the bruises as hard knocks. You are likely to find it is not as tough as you had thought. Or you may find it plenty tough, but also discover you have what it takes to handle it. --Norman Vincent Peale Minister and Author

NUTMEG

Healing power and curative properties

Nutmeg was used in the preparations of various medicines in ancient times. Even today, it is used in several important and widely used pharmaceutical preparations. The oil extracted from the herb is used in liniments, perfumery, hair lotions and as an antispasmodic carminative.

Digestive disorders

The powder of nutmeg, about 5 to 15 grams, mixed with apple juice or banana, is used as a specific remedy for diarrhoea caused by indigestion of food. The same quantity of nutmeg powder taken with a tablespoon of fresh amla juice thrice daily is effective for indigestion, hiccups and morning sickness.

Insomnia

The powder of nutmeg, mixed with fresh amla juice, is also an effective medicine for insomnia, irritability and depression. Nutmeg paste mixed with honey is given to infants who cry at night for no apparent reason, to induce sleep. It should, however, not be given regularly without medical advice as it may cause serious complications and addiction in infants.

Dehydration

The herb is useful in treating dehydration caused by vomiting and diarrhoea, particularly in cholera. An infusion prepared from half a nutmeg in half a litre of water given with tender coconut water in doses of 15 grams at a time, is an effective treatment.

Skin disorders

Nutmeg is used in the treatment of skin diseases like ringworm and eczema. The paste of the herb prepared by rubbing it on a stone slab in one's own early morning saliva – before cleansing the mouth – is applied once daily as a specific remedy in the treatment of these conditions.

Rheumatism
A nutmeg coarsely powdered and fried in til oil, until all the particles become brown, is very useful as an external application to relieve any rheumatic pain, neuralgia and sciatica. The oil should be cooled and strained before application.

Common cold

In case of a running nose, a paste made from this with cow's milk and 75 mg of opium should be applied to the forehead and the nose, it will provide quick relief.

Precautions

Nutmeg should be taken in very small doses; in appreciable doses it excites the motor cortex and produces epileptic convulsions and lesions in the liver. Even a teaspoon of nutmeg can produce toxic symptoms such as burning in the stomach, nausea, vomiting, restlessness and giddiness with hallucinations.

Sex stimulant

Nutmeg, mixed with honey and a half-boiled egg, makes an excellent sex tonic. It prolongs the duration of the sexual act if taken an hour before intercourse.

THINK!

In Germany, the Nazis first came for the communists, and I did not speak up, because I was not a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak up, because I was not a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak up, because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I did not speak up, because I was not a Catholic. Then they came for me... and by that time, there was no one to speak up for anyone. -- Martin Niemoeller, Pastor,
German Evangelical (Lutheran) Church

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron. -- Dwight D. Eisenhower
President of the United States

"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
n Albert Einstein

A GOOD MARRIAGE RECIPE

by Louis McBurney, M.D.

Commitment:

“Commitment” is not a popular word in our culture. Our society emphasizes individual rights, personal freedom and mobility. The idea of giving these up because of dedication to another person or loyalty to a relationship makes a lot of people feel trapped.But I don’t think you can have it both ways. You can’t build a divorce-proof marriage and remain unbending toward your personal rights. That doesn’t mean you give up all your freedoms or choices, but it does mean your commitment to the relationship supercedes your individual rights.Commitment means putting your spouse’s needs above your own. Studies show that the best indicator of marital well-being is how well each partner feels his or her needs are being met. I’ve found that when I focus only on my needs and forget about my wife, I tend to get irritated and disappointed. I may even begin to imagine how much better off I’d be with a different wife. On the other hand, I feel satisfied when I focus on my wife’s needs and how I can creatively meet them.

Communication:

Someone once said, “Communication is to love as blood is to the body.” Take the blood out of the body and it dies. Take communication away and a relationship dies.The kind of communication I’m talking about isn’t just exchanging information; it’s sharing feelings, hurts, joys. That means getting below the surface and examining the hows and whys of daily life.But it’s not easy since men and women are different in this area. Research makes it clear that women have greater linguistic abilities than men. Simply stated, she talks more than he. As an adult, she typically expresses her feelings and thoughts far better than her husband and is often irritated by his reluctance to talk. Every knowledgeable marriage counselor will tell you that the inability or unwillingness of husbands to reveal their feelings is one of the chief complaints of wives.Like conflict resolution, communication is a learned skill — and it’s often hard work. Time must be reserved for meaningful conversations. Taking walks and going out for dinner are conversation inducers that keep love alive.

Patience:

We live in an instant world — fast foods, cash machines, computer access to information, direct dial communication all over the world.The problem is we can’t heat up a marriage in the microwave. Relationships just don’t work that way. Marriage, especially takes time and care to become really beautiful. That means learning patience.When you put two people — any two — in the same house, you’re going to have irritations and annoyances. There are times when I think God designed marriage just to teach me patience. My wife doesn’t always respond like I wish she would. And she still expects me to pick up my dirty clothes, be on time for dinner and remember her birthday You’d think that after 30 years of marriage, she would have given up on me. In the meantime I’m considering humoring her a little. Recently I even put my underwear on the floor next to the laundry hamper. I wonder how she’s doing with patience.Beyond the day-to-day quirks and foibles you must accept, patience is needed for the long haul. It may take years for you to develop the kind of relationship that’s satisfying to both of you. A lot of people don’t have the patience to wait around for things to evolve. But if you’re willing to sit tight and hang in there, your marriage can be fantastic.Strong beliefs. We’re more than a bundle of feelings and physical sensations. There is an inner core of our being, an eternal part of who we are, that represents the deepest, most permanent aspect of marriage. Research shows that couples with strong religious beliefs are far more likely to stay together than those without them. It’s the shared morals and values that hold a husband and wife together. This solid foundation is a fortress against the storms of life. For my wife and me, our Christian faith has been the bedrock of our relationship. In our 30-plus years of marriage, we have consistently turned to the Bible for direction, guidance and comfort.

Trouble spots

There are a lot of problems that can cripple or fatally wound a marriage. Here are some of the common ones:Relying on feelings rather than commitment. Romantic feelings come and go, and many spouses get nervous when the flame dies down. They begin to doubt their relationship and wonder if they married the wrong person. A lot of those misgivings are fueled by the media, which says any successful relationship must run on high-octane passion.You’re setting yourself up for disappointment if you think marriage will be one long, steamy love scene. Sometimes it’s pure commitment and persistence that keeps a marriage together. In all marriages there are times when the tingle of romance fades. At those times, commitment is the force that pulls you through.Being selfish rather than serving. In today’s world, there are a lot more takers than givers. When two givers do get together, their marriage is usually fantastic. When a giver and a taker marry it’s usually lopsided, out of whack and full of trouble. And the marriage of two takers can crash and burn within a matter of months. Selfishness will damage a marriage, but serving will solidify it.Allowing marital drift. In geography class you may have learned about continental drift, where huge “plates” of earth move slowly and imperceptibly in opposite directions. The same thing happens in a lot of marriages. The shift is often so subtle that one day the partners wake up and say “I don’t really know who you are anymore.” And how can you keep from drifting? By talking regularly setting mutual goals for your marriage, planning the future together, playing together, cultivating shared interests and fanning the flame of romance.Letting your eyes and heart wander. There’s an old song that said, “I keep a close watch on this heart of mine. I keep my eyes wide open all the time. I keep the ends loose for the tie that binds. Because you’re mine, I walk the line.” You know that’s an old song, since the idea of loyalty doesn’t crop up in lyrics much anymore. I’ve been around long enough to see how subtly the line between “friends” and “lovers” can be blurred. What begins as a pleasant friendship glides silently across the line. The only way to really avoid those boundary violations is to watch for the early warning signs. If you begin to notice that someone lights up your life a little too much, back off! If you find yourself looking forward to the next time you can be together, cancel it.One sure way to ruin your marriageThe media have done us a great disservice by making a big joke out of affairs and unfaithfulness. By watching TV and movies, you’d think that everybody is hopping from bed to bed — and it’s no big deal. The truth is, however, that sexual infidelity is one of the primary causes of divorce. Even those marriages that do survive infidelity are greatly damaged. Here are some things you can do to stay out of that trap:Know the truth. Maximum sexual fulfillment comes in a committed marriage relationship. So if you really want the best, don’t cheat. You’ll be cheating yourself as well as your spouse.Build your emotional closeness. The better you get along with each other, the better your sex will be and the less tempting other people will be.Confide in your spouse rather than an opposite sex friend. Becoming emotionally intimate makes sexual unfaithfulness an easy step. Most affairs begin as an innocent friendship.Guard your thoughts. Don’t risk fantasizing about other romantic attachments. Your actions will tend to follow your thoughts.

Keep romance alive:

Long-term marriage doesn’t have to become dull and boring, but keeping romance alive takes a conscious effort. It’s your choice to maintain the excitement and enchantment.Don’t listen to the marriage cynics. These days, a lot of people put down marriage, like the comedian who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married — but by then it was too late.” Or the talk show host who quipped, “Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet.” In fact, you’ve probably had friends say “Why would you want to get married?” Don’t listen to the humbuggers. Good marriages bring fun and laughter and meaning to life. Even after three decades, my wife and I still have a blast being together. Our love is like a thousand violins playing Tchaikovsky (for you it might be electric guitars or synthesizers). It’s the thrill of shared experiences, building memories and facing new challenges. And it’s so much more!Still, I can’t emphasize this enough — marriage takes hard work and commitment. With divorce so rampant today many young couples enter marriage with one eye on the exit door. But it takes an unwavering commitment — not giving yourselves an out — to keep a marriage healthy and thriving. It’s choosing to be kind and giving and courteous and affectionate and affirming. That choice is the glue that will hold you together. Even when the adrenaline rush is gone and the music fades, the love will live on.